Osama Is A Rapper.

Ah, Osama. Your ways are reprehensible. But I must give it to you: Your rap game is stupendous.

Talking to Mantis the other night, I was reminded of this theory I have that Osama Bin Laden is the greatest rapper alive. Think about it. He has all the characteristic of a rap superstar. When he drops a verse, everyone stands at attention. When he puts out a new tape the world goes crazy. And while staying underground, he still manages to represent on a global stage. He's like the Jay-Z of terrorism. Allow me to explain:

Reason #1: The video is strictly gangster

Nothing says "quality" like a fresh Al-Qaeda video. He doesn't need boobs, bottles, or Bentleys. He doesn't even need good production values or decent lighting. His videos are filmed in a cave with a fucking Ak-47 in the background. That's a 6.9 on the superthug scale. He also rocks camo which does wonders for his street cred.



Reason #2: He keeps is underground

Rappers these days are all about keeping things certain ways. They talk about keeping it street, they keep it hood, keep it gangsta, keep it fresh, keep it gully, and of course, keep it underground. Well Osama has got to be the most underground rapper of all time. He's so underground he's actually inside the ground. He lives in caves that US spy planes and satellites can't even see. No rapper has ever kept it so real.

Reason #3: His crew get their props as well

Every proper rap superstar has a crew of sub-par mc's surrounding them. So naturally when Osama gives them their props, immediate notoriety soon follows. Take for example, Zarqawi. One mention of him by OBL and Zarqawi is on the map. He starts putting out his own tapes, next thing you know he's the biggest buzz in Iraq. Not unlike the great Dr. Dre and his numerous proteges, Bin Laden always has love for his crew.



(fig. A: Osama's click. Note: rocking guns in your video is so hot right now.)

Reason #5: All he needs is one mic

We can all admit this guy spits fire. Jihadtastic verses. A true MC should be able to freestyle at the drop of a hat. Osama can surely freestyle. But unlike some other MC's, Osama doesn't even need a beat. He spits acapella on every one his tapes. That's skills pure and simple.

Reason #6: Braggadocio:

MC's brag, it's part of the art of rap. Al-Qaeda claims responsibility for all kinds of things, and when they aren't busy bragging about all the ill shit they've done they talk smack to everybody. That's battle rap.

Reason #7: Beef

Forget East Coast vs. West Coast. OBL has beef with The entire Western world. That's alot of diss tracks he's got to write. Think of George Bush as Ja Rule and Osama as 50 Cent and you get the gist of it.

Reason #8: hoes in different area codes

Clearly the ladies love him. He's reported to have married five women and divorced two. They don't call him Osama baby mama drama for nothing.



Reason #9: He's an entrepreneur:

Not only does he raps, he produces as well. Not many know he is a seasoned keyboard player and has played along side some of the legends of rock and pop over the years. Soon to come on the horizon: Vitamin water, clothing line, and ringtones.